2 years...

Its been 2 years and more since I've visited this space.

Well, I guess writing sorrows for the wastepaper basket was too much. I stopped.

But the words in my head, they didn't.

I grew up, graduated, and found a job like everyone else.

I grew out of this phase like I'm suppose to.

Well just because its concealed, doesn't mean its non-existent.

Feelings included.

“I don’t think there is anything higher than love. I mean, I’m not sure what could possibly come after love because love is so expansive. I had such difficult coming up with a definition for love in my book, but the way I define love is the selfless promotion of the growth in the other…”

- Tim Sanders

The world doesn’t adapt their perspective towards you just because you changed, just because you feel that you have more love to give. Global warming does not eliminate itself just because one person conserves.

I used to be fearless, in a sense I couldn’t give about how people judge. But while talking to him yesterday, this big enormous fear just explodes in me. I feel afraid to go out. I feel like I’m in Zombieland, not the comedy version. The real life human don’t give a damn you’re human/dog eat dog world version. I sense cruelty in this cult, everyone wants to be a better version of themselves, but they want something more: To also be a better version of you.

Backstabbing exist no more. Its raining blades today. You can’t shelter yourself with umbrellas! You gotta build 4 walls and a ceiling above you! That is if you can even find a solid ground!

People draw near only if you have something to offer, more often that offer is not just a simple friendship, or love.

Sometimes I feel like I only have myself to trust. They speak of you like you’ve never been hurt, never been betrayed. They speak of you like they’re perfect. Like they know you better than you will ever, EVER know yourself. They speak of you as if you’re not human.

But I’m only human. We are only human.

The dimensions of reality is difficult to latch on. Simple things like trust, faith, belief become complex to the human brain.

How else can you find closure?

I guess I found mine, to see beauty in wreckage. To apologise to yourself and move on.

I want to start writing





Again.

Mute

Because I bear not to remove this space

But I am moving

再见

17. Goodbye

I wish sometimes you'd judge yourself more than you'd judge me. I wish sometimes instead of waiting for me to trip on my mistakes you'd care more. i wish sometimes you'd just shut the fuck and and listen. For once. And just when I thought I've met another beautiful soul you came around to prove me wrong. So thank you very much, for judging me, and being there to kick me when I tripped, thank you for jesting my wounds for you know nothing, nothing at all about me. As much as I wanna turn the tables to defend you, your actions, your words, I can't find no more reasons to do that anymore. I know I am no better human being myself but still, thank you very much. For being there for nothing.

Love,
me

21. You Hold Me Without Touch

"What's the best thing thats ever happened to you?"

He asked

I was stuck for that moment

Dumbfounded

I imagined my birth

A mother's smile

I traced back to moments of folly

Careful not to lapse

"Everything

everything is the best thing thats ever happened to me

I see everything as God's plan

Bad things shape you to become who you are

Good things are blessings i guess"

I never knew life was the best thing

Thats ever happened to me

P.S. thanks for reminding me