30. Boston

Letting emotions flow through your eyes

While staring at your reflection

Trying to suss things out

While hating every bit of your guts

Its an ironic human condition

Have you watched yourself cry so hard 

You cry harder upon the reality of being ever so crushed?

Everyday I remind myself 

Its just a phase

And its about time to take a turn

But its always easier to write pain than to write happiness

So many unanswered questions

Why?

Last night while sitting beside D,

A kid ran to a seat beside ours

"Mummy I am tired I wanna sit down" - she said

I turned & whispered

"A small kid knows better than us, to rest after a long run. Maybe its time to stop walking, crippling, running. Maybe it's just time to stop, no need to ponder, no need to think - just breathe"

11. Where's My Head

Recently

I find myself wanting to drown myself in a pool of tears

Then I realised I am done doing that

I am put in a position where I am forced to grow up

All I want is a day minus the drama

I find myself in a pressure cooker position

Whereby you don't even know when the pressure will act up

I am pretty much left with no choice

I realised I might have changed

Unknowingly

I guess its time

& I'll move on

p.s. morning jog tmr at 6am... hope it doesn't rain

10. " Sunset is the saddest light of the day."

Where unfamiliar places bring you

the solitary solitude

intriguing strangers

& a new breath of liberation

Sometimes someone along tells you something you have been trying to figure

Put it in a nice sentence

& make you think about it the whole day

I wished I know better

I wished my soul never trace me back here

I am tired of all of your initial one-liners

burnished with end-notes & apologies

Maybe I was cynical all along

But it kept me really strong

I am not defeated

Yet

10. Le Lies & Alibies

What is it again? The same phrases, coming from the same phases.

And guess what, it is the reason why I don't believe the reality of love, the reason why I restrain myself from staking my own emotions, my own heart. I dont want to elevate and dive right back in crashing again.

It's all and always the same.

Please remind me why you'd pour those words out sincerely, knowing one day you'll take it all back.

05. "Reality can destroy the dream; why shouldn't the dream destroy reality?"  

When was the last time you did something without the expense of your own happiness? When was the last time someone told you that you deserve that happiness, and really mean it? Sometimes you feel like you want to move on and leave the baggage you lift off from square one. Seemingly cinch. The next step is only to keep an eye on the light, but the light never fails to cast a long narrow shadow behind your back reminding you of your past defaults. The irony of it all, I always look back and get drawn into that shadow, and I run, and I run, and that shadow runs with me. I lost a lot, for what used to be part of the magnitude in my life. I have learnt for most parts, multi-tasking is a real bitch. In quest to defend both others' and my own feelings, I was defeated terribly. It dawned to me that when you fight for your own happiness, you fight alone. And sometimes it's just so hard reminding myself to keep up to just as simple as having a good day, for once, for myself. Sometimes I feel like my faith has constantly been battered and the meltdowns are what people don't see, yet judge you for. At the end of it all, what really matters? Sometimes I feel as though I am containing life, which really should be the other way around instead.  

Between living life and living regrets, I wish I could choose the former.

03. Remembering Sunday

What will you risk to love somebody? Would you risk the ghost of your past to guard the present? The foundation of lies is creepy at times. But both truths and lies, they stand on same grounds.

Dreaming seems so much easier these days... and I guess that margin between dreams and reality is...., i don't know, I can't draw a line between them both. Because I don't know how to accept the reality of it all, the realization of it all, the bottom line of everything else. 

She said that perhaps things feel different, and foreign, and dreaming is so much better. But when we wake up and we don't have what we dreamt about, we ought to go find it, and fight until we have it. She told me I deserve more. 

I digress.

I tried. 

Vulnerability in love is but inevitable. Endings are bleak, let me breathe.

Okay, another adv for my dear friend ALFRED! 

Do visit his online store:

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