2 months ago...

"I think...

I don't know anything anymore, any much, any less. I don't wanna know, don't think I wanna know. Oblivious is nothing but a beautiful bliss, adequate tragedy. Love, is nothing but deluded propaganda to make the world a "better place". If only we can all hail "fuck off", and everyone can say "yeah, fuck". This is nothing but a stupid fucking blog post. But do I care? Do I give a fucking damn? So far I know of nothing that overwhelms me, not even death, not love, nor life. Whatever that is, life must be a whole damn shit of conspiracy, lies, and more lies. I am a lie, so is everyone else. How else do we convey true feelings, true to the bones, honesty that gives chills down the spine back to the toes. Truth that gives a ringing sensation, something fresh to keep you awake without caffeine. So live, live in the dream we dream, hate and love as you want to, nothings gives in, nothing breathes out. Nothingness is a spiraling..."

Today...

What could have possibly made me this angry 2 months ago? ...

I have to skip school today because of my sore eyes, its pretty cool to see your eyes fully bloodshot, way cooler than marilyn manson's pupil BS. Felt like a little kid when I knocked on my mom's door to tell her that I need to go the doctor later. She was like, "how old are you? just walk to the clinic yourself later?!" 

Yeah, I almost forgot the fact that I am turning 18 in a month's time. Totally. I don't know what's with me, post pms or something? I went to my room and cried for a little (mostly because I felt like my mom doesn't care so nobody cares), felt like a 5 year old all over again.

 

But the bottom line is, I still have to go to the docs later. Myself. I have no idea why, but every time when I go to the doc alone, I feel a sense of accomplishment, like wow I am an adult and I can do this myself. i feel like I am at this mid-age, where I am neither a kid nor an adult. I want to grow up, yet I adore being a kid. But being a teen is good, it's all good. You can never laugh the way you laugh when you're a kid, never make childish jokes when you grow up, make yourself a total embarrassment in public without giving a damn. You can never fall in love like the first time you did with your childhood crush. Its all good. Yes, I am embracing it.

"The world is a playground. We knew that as a kid. But somewhere along the line we forgot that."  

- Allison

Confessions of a teenager.......... Darn....