05. "Reality can destroy the dream; why shouldn't the dream destroy reality?"  

When was the last time you did something without the expense of your own happiness? When was the last time someone told you that you deserve that happiness, and really mean it? Sometimes you feel like you want to move on and leave the baggage you lift off from square one. Seemingly cinch. The next step is only to keep an eye on the light, but the light never fails to cast a long narrow shadow behind your back reminding you of your past defaults. The irony of it all, I always look back and get drawn into that shadow, and I run, and I run, and that shadow runs with me. I lost a lot, for what used to be part of the magnitude in my life. I have learnt for most parts, multi-tasking is a real bitch. In quest to defend both others' and my own feelings, I was defeated terribly. It dawned to me that when you fight for your own happiness, you fight alone. And sometimes it's just so hard reminding myself to keep up to just as simple as having a good day, for once, for myself. Sometimes I feel like my faith has constantly been battered and the meltdowns are what people don't see, yet judge you for. At the end of it all, what really matters? Sometimes I feel as though I am containing life, which really should be the other way around instead.  

Between living life and living regrets, I wish I could choose the former.