Mute

Because I bear not to remove this space

But I am moving

再见

17. Goodbye

I wish sometimes you'd judge yourself more than you'd judge me. I wish sometimes instead of waiting for me to trip on my mistakes you'd care more. i wish sometimes you'd just shut the fuck and and listen. For once. And just when I thought I've met another beautiful soul you came around to prove me wrong. So thank you very much, for judging me, and being there to kick me when I tripped, thank you for jesting my wounds for you know nothing, nothing at all about me. As much as I wanna turn the tables to defend you, your actions, your words, I can't find no more reasons to do that anymore. I know I am no better human being myself but still, thank you very much. For being there for nothing.

Love,
me

21. You Hold Me Without Touch

"What's the best thing thats ever happened to you?"

He asked

I was stuck for that moment

Dumbfounded

I imagined my birth

A mother's smile

I traced back to moments of folly

Careful not to lapse

"Everything

everything is the best thing thats ever happened to me

I see everything as God's plan

Bad things shape you to become who you are

Good things are blessings i guess"

I never knew life was the best thing

Thats ever happened to me

P.S. thanks for reminding me

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late,
is that the more that you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer,
because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt." 

-Thomas Merton

One year from now, I was searching for something, I still am. I still can't grasp reality, can't see beauty beyond flaws. Its ugly, downright ugly. This world, everyone with me included. When I look through these pages, I feel so vulnerable and exposed, almost too bare. I can't keep the walls down, I can't give a part of me I know someone can break - my heart

08. Laugh, because it's either laugh or cry

I've been running out of cynical thoughts

Something to manifest about

I'm stuck in this realm where everything is just the way it is

I'm waiting for someone to shake this realm I'm in

May I acknowledge your existence as such

Because pain has never felt this awakening

Acquiesced without ratification

Silence

Because no talk nor act

Nor even love

Could resurrect this

We dropped the key a damn long time ago

Laying back to back between a latched door

& this is only as close as it will get

With nothing more

& nothing less

Have you ever felt this way? You gave in, and gave up, just for that special friend, pour in your heart and soul to nurture it, but it's still not good enough. What is not good enough, the fact that I am your human doormat? The fact that putting in an inch of effort is that demanding a burden when I am still silently cautiously deciphering your diary to figure that everything is depreciated? I don't wanna compare. The list could go on. Your list could go on. My list could go on. And I justified all reasons for you not to care, and I couldn't bear to single out any one of them. 

A: I was told that I am one human doormat

B: no

You are a human doormat with a "welcome" sign

*

I can't believe that I am blogging about this 6:27 in the morning...